- Melissa-
Okay...let me explain. I am all about looking back and reflecting on the past year, as well as looking towards the year ahead. However, I am already a bit overwhelmed with all the NEW YEAR, NEW YOU posts/blogs/LIVES/IG stories, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, reflection is a key piece of growth. I see this everyday in my own third grade classroom. After a lesson, I have to step back and think about what worked, what didn’t, and what I still need to do to help my students become successful.
What I don’t do, is decide I am just not a very good teacher, throw in the towel, and decide I should become a greeter at Walmart instead.
Sometimes I feel like we approach the new year through the lens of what we aren’t so great at and decided that we must make major, life altering changes immediately so we can be happy. Then, by this time in January, we are filled with disappointment and shame from the little bumps in the road, and decide what’s the point? I already ate that one meal, or forgot to do my morning bible study, or I skipped a workout out...guess I blew it.
What if we approached this year a bit differently? What if we focused on one small change at a time, and allowed that small change to lead to more small changes, which might just lead us to that “happiness” we all desire so much.
Big changes can feel overwhelming and hard to stick with...for example saying, “I am going to cut out sugar from our family’s diet completely” might go okay for a few days, but pretty soon, you’re feeling awful because you ate an apple and you start to freak out and wonder, is this natural “sugar” from this organic piece of whole food, okay? Which leads you to think you’ve ruined the whole thing anyway so you might as well give up and eat a Krispy Kreme...not that I am speaking from experience here folks or anything.
As some of you know, I am kinda into Rachel Hollis’s book, Girl Wash Your Face, because it speaks to habits and how making one thing a habit leads to other habits and so on. In her book she writes,
“Whatever standard you’ve set for yourself is where you’ll end up . . . unless you fight through your instinct and change your pattern. That’s how I changed my own patterns and behaviors— how I established the rule in my life that I would no longer break a promise to myself no matter how small it was.” - Rachel Hollis
Wow, right?
It makes so much sense when you think of it like that. I am always talking to my own kids about how much it matters to tell the truth and do what you say you are going to do, but how many times have I made promises to myself that have been broken? We would never stand for our kids or friends telling us they were going to do something and then just let it slide when they didn’t follow through, so why are we okay when we make a promise to ourselves and then break it? If you’re like me, and you told your friend or co-worker you would do that one thing, then you make sure you do that one thing because you wouldn’t want the let them down, right?
What if we instead said, “I would like to add more whole foods to our family’s diet. To start with, one small change would be to replace one snack a day with a fruit or veggie instead of a cracker pack or other processed snack. Then, when that doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore, try the next small change, like replacing a side at dinner, such as mac and cheese, with something like sweet potatoes or mashed cauliflower.
The point is small changes are easier to manage...they form habits and once something is a habit, we all know it is so much harder to break.
If I am being real...there are two small changes I am really working on. The first, is my need for Dr. Pepper. I do just fine making through most days without it...until I stop at the gas station to fill up and think, Gosh, it was such a long day and I still have a,b, and c to do. I deserve a nice, bubbly DP to get me through it all. Or, we go out for a nice dinner and instead of a glass of wine, I’ll just get a Dr. Pepper instead, because I am apparently 12.
This is certainly not an everyday thing, but it is often enough that I notice how crummy I feel when I drink it and tell myself never again….until the next time. Long story not so short, I know it makes me feel bad and undoes all my hard work on the treadmill each morning, so what is the point?
So, I think it is time to make this one small change and see where it leads. Instead of saying, NO MORE CAFFEINE ever, I am just replacing my DP with a glass of water or a sparkling water when we are out, and carrying a YETI full of water wherever we go. One little change that hopefully leads to the next little change, right?
My other small change seems so simple, in theory. ..embracing the busy I guess. I know it is not really possible to just make a blanket statement and say, I don’t want to be so “busy” this year. Not with teaching, three active kids, and trying to be all the things we want be (wife, friend, keeper of the laundry, etc) However, I think one small change I can handle is my attitude towards the activities that fill up our calendar.
I want out of the cycle of complaining when we have this game or that practice and how it keeps me from getting this or that done. I think instead I can try and focus on the joy this game or practice time with friends brings my children and begin making it a point to make the most of the drive there and back with them.
I see that having time to do something they are interested in makes them happier, and in turn, I need to remember to do the same for myself. I need to add some of the things that bring me joy as well, a date night, an exercise class with a friend, or a girls dinner out.
No...my goal is not, “I want to be better planned this year,” instead, my small change is shifting my mindset and being grateful for the “busy” night ahead and time with my family.
Also, adding one activity each week that enjoy to the calendar. This week, I am meeting up with some friends for a glass of wine and good conversation and tonight, I am looking forward to the 20 minutes my children are trapped in the car with me and have to actually tell me about their day! The laundry and dishes will still be there, I know, but I am beginning to realize they are there no matter what, so I might as well enjoy the time I have with my family a little bit more instead of worrying about all my to do’s.
I once read,
“doing something for 30 days isn’t hard, cancer is hard (or insert some other painful illness or situation here.)”
That really got me...especially after watching my mom fight for each day after her terminal cancer diagnosis. People fight everyday just to survive and be around one more day with their loved ones. I know that is what she did...she wanted just a little more time with the ones she loved. Even though she is gone, she is still guiding me through it all.
Perspective changes everything! If she can battle for as long as she did, I can make one small change. These small changes are not life altering, but I hope they help me make the most of what each day has to offer!
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