When my mom was diagnosed back in April, I remember thinking, how do you write a Eulogy? Does a daughter write the Eulogy? Who even makes these rules?
I put that those thoughts in the back of my mind thinking, "maybe if I don’t THINK them, I won’t have to do it".
Unfortunately that’s not the way life works. You can’t stop life from happening, you just learn to take it as it comes.
I tried writing my mom’s eulogy several times in the week before the funeral. I stayed up a couple of night swearing I would write it. Every time I ended up to writing my memories of those last months, how much each of those moments mattered, and that I didn’t want to take them for granted. But it wasn’t an eulogy. It was just a bunch of memories.
We met with the pastor that was directing my Mom’s service and he asked if my sister and I were going to share at the service. I said yes, because I thought I was supposed to.
Any GOOD daughter would have beautiful words to say about their mom. I wanted to be a good daughter, but I didn’t have the words.
He suggested keeping it short and concise to 1 page. I agreed and kept that in mind the night I wrote it.
Finally the the night before the funeral, I took all those memories I wrote out and cried my heart out over them. I finally let myself just feel sad. Then I literally googled “How to write your Mom’s Eulogy”. Yes. I googled that. And it was surprisingly helpful.
I laid in bed while my husband slept and typed out the longest text message to my mom. Writing has always been my way to communicate. So I just pretended I was writing to her.
That's when it it all changed. I stopped crying. I took those words and moved them around to create my eulogy. I wanted people to see my mom and me. I wanted them to know that she was an INCREDIBLE mom. I wanted them to see we had a relationship that was more than just mom and daughter. It was a friendship of mutual respect and genuinely caring for the well being of each other. Also, mom and I LOVED to talk. We loved talking to each other especially.
So that’s where it came from. A mom and a daughter, just talking. Telling our story. Giving the world a peak into a special relationship, while still protecting how private and personal it was.
I also shared the dreams and goals she had for me. My mom was the one that always kept me on track and remembering exactly why I was working towards them.
Since she can’t be there to hold me accountable, I wanted my world to know what she wanted for me and help keep focused, pick me up when I get down, and kick my butt when I need it.
When the day of the funeral came, I pulled my husband aside with about 1 hour notice to tell him he was reading the words I wrote. Reading the words on paper I would start to cry, and I didn’t want that to be my last message to her. I wanted the people in the room to hear the words and be touched by them, not feel pity for the girl crying at the podium.
So my husband got up there and read these words more beautifully than I could have ever done so myself. Afterwards, I actually didn’t even care if anyone heard them or not. Hearing my husband read my words to my mom was all that I needed at that moment for closure.
I decided to to share what I wrote because her story is powerful and deserves to be heard. When we created Simple Joy it was to continue her story, but I feel like I cant continue her story if people don’t know the start of it.
So here it is, the last words I wrote to my mom. I hope they inspire you and remind you that you are meant for more.
Eulogy for Mom
Thank you all for coming to celebrate my mom’s life. She was an incredible person that wore many hats. Many of you here today knew my mother personally and some of you knew her indirectly through one of our family members.
You may have known her as a coworker, a friend, group member, a neighbor, a mentor, aunt, niece or a cousin. If you knew her well, you know she was most proud to be a Nana to her 5 grandchildren
I, of course, knew her best as my mother. As I have reached adulthood, I was blessed when she became more of a friend. Shortly after marrying Hunter, during one of our nightly car chats on my way home from work we were both complaining about our husbands. I remember laughing and telling her she was SO weird when she said to me, “oh gosh! Yesterday MY husband..” then trailed off onto something my Dad had done that drove her nuts. I just remember smiling and thinking “this is really cool”. I had no idea at that time, I would only get such a short season of life as her “friend”.
When she was diagnosed with cancer the second time, I still remember the selfish fears had. How angry I was that this could happen to ME. I couldn’t lose my mom. I was only 31 and I still needed her. I had a 1 and a half year old and a 6 month old. How was I supposed to figure out motherhood without her?
I was able to come visit her for a week right after she was diagnosed, and this time I didn’t have the kids or husband in tote. I just came as her daughter and wanted to be there to support her during these initial doctor appointments.
It was during one of our long talks after those appointments that I realized being her daughter was amazing, but being her FRIEND was a true gift. I put my fears aside and focused on my friend, Mom, from that day forward.
Over the past 6 months, My mom shared much of herself with me, and I saw sides of my mother as she struggled with her illness that I had never seen before, all the while maintaining her strong belief in positive thinking and the importance of the quality of life.
In these last few months, I got to know the very human side of my mom, something some daughters never see. All my life, I believed my mom knew everything, feared nothing, and had everything under control.
She showed me that being strong meant you could still be vulnerable, scared and discouraged when faced with unfortunate circumstances. And she did it all with some much grace and joy.
I’ve learned more about life in these past two months, than I probably have in my entire life combined. When my husband and I made the decision for me to come back from Texas to stay with her, it came with a lot of fear. I knew I was going back home to be with my mom, and I’d be leaving without her. I didn’t think I was ready or strong enough for that.
In reality, what I wasn’t ready for was REALLY learning who my mom was in less than 60 days. I always knew she was kind, nurturing, funny, and strong. But I didn’t know HOW kind, nurturing, funny and strong she was until it all started unfolding in front of me.
Unfortunately my mom lost her eyesight, so most days I would sit and go through her phone with her. Eventually we just started giving people me number to contact me directly.
Y’all, on a DAILY basis I would have COUNTLESS phone calls, emails, and text messages from her friends wanting an update or coordinating a visit. It was then that I learned my mom was the kind of friend that people would take off work to just to get a chance drop a meal by for her, she was the kind of friend that people wanted to watch my kids for me so I could give my mom the extra TLC she needed, she was the kind of friend that people couldn’t picture their life without.
Relationships meant the world to my mom and she valued them more than anything. Watching my mom be loved and cherished by others just spoke to me about the great person she was. To each and everyone one of you here today, thank you for loving my mom.
Friendships brought my mom so much joy and happiness, even to her last day. She always enjoyed time with her friends, whether that was on the phone, weekend trips, girls lunch, long shopping days or traveling. No matter what she was doing she always found joy in everything.
A few days before she passed, we talked about her funeral and what Was important to her. All she could talk about was her “Joy Jar” She wanted today to be a day of celebration. She wanted everyone to see how beautiful her grandchildren were. She wanted everyone to leave here today ready to make a difference in the world by spreading her message of joy and friendship.
I could have stood up here today and told so many funny stories and shared some beautiful memories of my mom.
But I know my friend, my Mom, would be most proud for me asking everyone to continue to value the most precious gift of relationships and to go spread joy in everything you experience and never take those moments for granted.
What my mom went through the past 6 months was hard. Very painful. But EVERYDAY she found joy in little moments. From Annalyn sitting in her lap in the recliner, to her morning croissant, giving the baby a bottle, or a friend stopping by for a visit. My mom showed me the true joy of living in the moment and not taking anything for granted.
Everyday as I watched my mom slip further and further away from me, I learned more about her and amazing friends that were constant reminders of the beautiful life she had led. You all gave me a gift I didn’t know I need. Thank you
To my mom. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my mom in all those hard moments and celebrating with me in life’s best moments. I’m going to miss the long voicemails I would complain about you leaving, I’m going to miss you embarrassing me in all the ways moms embarrass their daughters, but I’m really going to miss you calling me sunshine.
But thank you for all the gifts you’ve left behind to me.
I will hold my promise to you that I will never settle for good and will always go for great.
I know my life was designed for more and I’m going to live it to it’s most full potential like you asked.
I’m going to be happy everyday, because you’ve shown me no day is worth losing joy.
Most importantly I’m going to cherish all relationships, both family and friends, to the highest. Being a mom, friend, sister, and daughter are the BEST things I could ever be when I do them with my full heart like you did.
Mom, my last words were “I love you” and “I’ll miss you”. I don’t have better words today, because I will always love you and miss you in everything I do.
{Lauren}
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